Archive for August, 2014

Aspirations

Posted in Uncategorized on August 28, 2014 by immorticon

My nerve exceeds my reach. I sometimes have a deep and lingering nostalgia for things that have never happened and often take place in the future. Like longing for a past life but it’s not in a past setting.

This week was relatively good (but still horrible overall), I had a lot of days off work. I’m too tired to be furious, just disgusted with people. So tired… There’s a knife in my chest all the time and it’s endlessly draining me. I don’t do anything fun. I work, I get home, I eat, I sleep. I’m a veritable robot.

Humanity is so underwhelming and disappointing that I find myself literally hopelessly browsing Facebook and blogs looking for any sign of intelligent life hiding in the words of the masses. Looking for a ray of hope. In a world full of people I’m alone. Any mildly deep conversation unravels their character and reveals the self-serving automaton within. The selfish and ignorant pragmatist that follows arbitrarily set commands established by a combination of tradition and limited experience while locked in place by an unquestioning trust for self-appointed authority figures.

It’s the blind leading the deaf. I see bumping and touching all around me yet no progress whatsoever.

Happiness

Posted in Uncategorized on August 23, 2014 by immorticon

My life is ruined and everything I ever wanted is now impossible thanks to you.

To me, Heaven is to be away from everything that reminds me of you and everything I will never have. Heaven is sadness but at least solitude.

You Only Get What You Give

Posted in Uncategorized on August 21, 2014 by immorticon

She wanted something meaningful so I gave her something sacred.

They say you get what you give.

I gave her my virginity and a lifetime commitment. When do I get the same from her? Not only did I forego my requirements and accept her I didn’t expect to get everything I was willing to give in return, only loyalty and I didn’t even get that… only more and more betrayal and excuses. How many is one person entitled to while saying it’s unfair for another to have even one.

You only get what you give… I only get what’s left.

Willful Ignorance

Posted in Uncategorized on August 1, 2014 by immorticon

Looking at my paycheck a country song comes to mind

“…let me thank you for your time, you work a 40-hour week for a living just to send it on down the line.”

He’s thanking a group of individuals, steel mill workers,  who make a pretty fucking decent living. Auto workers who make a pretty fucking decent living. Most factory jobs pay really fucking well and have even more amazing retirement benefits.

I just worked a 40-hour week for $256… significantly less than “a living” and I don’t even have insurance or anything to account for the disparity between the work I put in and the work they put in. No… because people who don’t make a living deserve not to.